pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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