i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
