My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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