U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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