Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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