What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Mom said you looked used
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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