what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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