just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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