youre lurking in front of me
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
