I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
bring money and cleavage
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
