Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
FUCK WHALES
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
