96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
