Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
