My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
