I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
