we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
