After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
