I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
