No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
