I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
