Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
