i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize