someone threw a dead crab at me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
