hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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