i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
