Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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