Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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