I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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