His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
