In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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