this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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