I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
