I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
