My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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