So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
