Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize