There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
