she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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