i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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