i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
