Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
