dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
