Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
