Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
