i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
