I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
