Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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