hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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