Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
