oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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