can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
