Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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