I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
