I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
