also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
