I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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