question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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