They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
