Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
