i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
