Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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