I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
