lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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